Dear 2012... We Need a Meeting

I'll admit I'm not the most faithful blogger. Not earth shattering news. But as January 1, 2012 rolled around, I decided THIS would be my year. Instead of trolling Facebook, I'd peel back and reserve comment for only the most important/funny/necessary thoughts. I'd turn the random comments, judgements, etc., that sit in my head into thoughtful, poignant narratives. Of course this is when Pinterest exploded all over the place and I was being linked to very cute, excessively cheerful blogs about how happy life is, with entries about the "darling shoebox I just repurposed" and thought... enough with blogs...I have no interest in showcasing perfection. January and February are always whirlwinds anyway... 3 of the 5 Stigalls have birthdays (2 of which involve parties with lots of little children) AND I was on a mission to get my house in order, finish unpacking the last 20 boxes that sat gathering dust in the basement - the list could go on and on. So I buckled down, let the computer gather dust (or at least this blog gathered dust) and started planning. And then 2012 punched me in the gut numerous times and started handing me reminders that no matter how good my intentions, no matter what my plans may be - LIFE is always gonna be bigger than me.

In the last month and a half, I've had phone calls and emails about ladies I know who are beginning a fight with breast cancer - this makes a total of four in the last year that I know personally... These are women who I have spent time with, laughed with, these are moms who are raising little children, who are under the age of 40 (or right at it) and it feels so unfair to me. I won't even try to imagine what they all must be feeling. One is a mom whose kids I taught in preschool... she has 2 darling children with completely unique personalities, she wears a smile on her face every day and I think she laughed every time I saw her... no lie. I'm sure with all of these women, God is working in their lives, whether they know it or not. But I ache for them. They are being in tested in ways I cannot fathom.

And in early January I had a call from a really good friend telling me my BFF had passed out in the gym while working out and was in the hospital. Heart stopping, frustrating moment. I disliked being so far away and unable to physically be there. Disliked is an understatement, of course. I was pissed...I felt helpless as I waited for texts and phone calls for updates. I talked with my husband a lot that day - I knew it was not an emergency to fly home for, but what if? What if something worse happened? What if we got a call from a family member? What if we needed to get home fast? These are realities of living half a country away and that day I did not like it. But she was okay, tests were good, she recovered, and several days later we were back to squealing and laughing on the phone.

And a few days after that I had another call ... this time from a great friend whose sister had been in a horrible car accident. I listened to her sobbing, scared voice describe what was happening and felt those helpless, angry tears start up. It was scary and frightening. I know random things happen... but they happen to other people...and it started to feel like LIFE was circling closer and closer to my personal space. Chris and I sat around that week again, amidst texts, emails, and phone calls with updates, frustrated we could do nothing - at the very least, hug our friends who were hurting. And let them hug us. I've been in the car accident where I laid on the ground, bleeding, not sure what had happened, waiting for the ambulance, hoping my friends were okay... and that was before I had a family to add to that worry. I cannot imagine that scenario and it broke my heart over and over that people I care about now had that reality to deal with. She's healing now....slowly, and life is carrying on, but not without some changes for their family.

And just yesterday I got another call that my BFF's husband had some complications from a medical test and was hosptialized -so doctors could check his heart. I did a double take when I heard that... last I knew, we weren't 80...but now, after this month, I think everyone I know is a little more aware that tough things happen, that sometimes the news story is about people we know, that sometimes when the phone rings, there is a very real possibility that it might not be good news. We aren't 80...but we are human, and as a result, we are fragile. Personally, I would like my friends to stop having emergencies and health issues, but something tells me they want that a hell of a lot more than I do.

I laughed at a text I got today from a friend ... she wrote " should I send the memo to 2012 that he sucks and nobody likes him?" That is sort of how it feels, after all. I don't want anymore calls about my friends who are sick or hurt, any more than they want to be the subject of such calls. But it's only February... not even halfway done. There will probably be more calls or emails like that. So to deal with it I'm going to try to focus on the good, like on my friend Lisa who will have to work hard to physcially rebuild her body but is alive and so she can be a role model about strength and perseverance for her kids; or praise God that Angie's tumor is shrinking; or the fact that I have no broken bones, and no cancer and I CAN go the gym, lift my kids, walk a mile, and hug my family; that in all situations there are good, kind, loving people who are helping those who need it the most.

But just in case he's listening -

Mr. 2012 - You need to chill OUT. Love, Me